I’ve been asked by a few people to do a quick post on apostrophes or as I’ve heard it put by kids at my son’s school, “that comma that floats up there at the top.”  *drags out her Remedial English soap box and hops on up*

The apostrophe is one of the most misused punctuation marks out there.  Correctly, it’s used to show a contraction, possesion, and (though I just avoid it myself) the plural of lower case letters. 

Don’t you want to pod him?  This is the contration of do not.  These are relatively simple and I rarely see these bungled.  This is the main job of an apostrophe.  I even like to use two in words like sha’n't, though it is antiquated and almost never used now (What??  I like pretending I’m old and British!).

Mynxee’s Cynabal has a sexy paintjob!  This is a correct use of possession and for the most part, this concept is pretty easy.  The tricky part is when it becomes involved.  However, you can avoid a mistake by remembering the apostrophe’s original job: showing a contraction.  It’s is a contraction meaning it is.  When you want to show that it possesses, you leave out the apostrophe all together.  The Cynabal has a steamy shot of Roc Wieler on its hull.

I made sure to dot my i’s and cross my t’s.  It is correct to show the plural of LOWER CASE letters with an apostrophe.  However, as I said, I prefer avoiding this and use the upper case instead.

An apostrophe is NOT used to show plural numbers, acronyms, or upper case letters.

I love the 80′s.  I love the ’80s!

POS’s take too long to kill!  POSes take too long to kill!  (Keep in mind you still use an apostrophe to show possesion here:  a POS’s guns.)

I left out the E’s in my letter.  I left out the Es in my letter.

It would seem many people feel the phrase and I cannot be overused and choosing it instead of and me helps them to appear both more educated and more eloquent.  

This is absolutely incorrect. 

When I was in elementary school (and I cry to think that this must not be taught any longer) I learned to break down the group to determine which ending would be appropriate.  For example, They wanted to take Shelly and I out for dinner.  Break this up:  They wanted to take Shelly out for dinner. and They wanted to take me out for dinner.  The appropriate choice is and me.  This method works in nearly every situation (though probably not all of them since this is English we’re talking about here) but if you’re not sure, rewrite the sentence to avoid choosing all together.  Safe not sorry, amirite?

Stop using and I incorrectly.  You sound like a jackass (and a poorly educated one to boot).

*steps down from her Remedial English soapbox and exits stage left*